Okay well I settled down and this came on. My friend had put it on. This had come after a long night of Spanish role-play (for language purposes) which had quickly descended into competition as to be who can be the biggest weirdo in Spanish. I won obviously, as the ladykilling 25 year old scamp que trabajaba in a delightful cementerio and who in the past had struggled with una gran atracción oscura for the muertos. None of which has anything to do with the film except that it was way, way less fucked up.
So we went upstairs and my former friend (yes, this was only this morning and we aren’t friends anymore, keep up) shoves this DVD in. And very soon in I’m like ah yeah I know this one, adapted from that American Dad episode with the squirrels.
I had heard somewhere or other that it was meant to be a very emotive film. Didn’t take long, as I soon realised I was highly unnerved by the noises the kid with learning disabilities had, which obviously came with a big side helping of guilt. I do love when films give you those rare, combo emotions. I’m sure it was all intended.
Michelle sniggers through the first few bits every time the kid says something, before sitting upright and saying how it’s not actually the kid making her laugh, too tired to really care about any of that.
“Miiiiiccchhhheeelllleee? The kid is creeping me out” /ashamed face
And super insulting/patronising mode is activated. To be fair to her she’s not normally this bad but today – dreadful.
“Well Martin, the most helpful thing is to realise that they’re just human beings like you and me.”
-was not to groggy to respond to that –
“Michelle, what the actual FUCK?”
After being placated I soon realise that the kid is the least disturbing part of the film for me right now. He slams a bug in a letterbox which was the apex for me, soon after he screechcries which is a close second, and then there’s a morbidly obese woman 😐 who doesn’t leave the house and then I realise is going to die on her back like a manatee with her eyes bulging and peanut butter smeared around her mouth [credit again to American Dad for forewarning me of this shit]
I had to take a stand. It was going off. My friend then sighed heavily and theatrically several times, tbf I was a bit spaced/shellshocked and didn’t notice the first few.
So, that was my Gilbert Grape experience, all 7.5 minutes of it. Oh, and soon after my friend revealed herself to have white supremacist views, which may not seem that easy to blame on the movie but why not.
- Generally considered good by people of sound mind and body, I think
- Might have gotten less horrifying, who knows
- Grapes are fun?
- This movie will take you to the darkest abscesses of your mind, NOT for family viewing
- It stressed me out for at least an hour and a half afterwards
- It may turn your friends into Nazis for like, no reason.
If you enjoyed my Sleep Deprivation film review and would like to see me do more in the future, then may I suggest you are a something of a twisted individual? Shit like this is hardly good for my health.